The Most Interesting Man in the World, Issue 2

 

(As originally titled and first published to a “chatroom”—otherwise known as the UltraList—on March 3, 2010. Notice at the bottom the links to the actual Dos Equis beer commercials, which this series parodied.

Notice at the bottom the links to the actual Dos Equis beer commercials, which this series parodied.

Note finally: The absence of WOMEN, a defect that was later corrected—by this
website’s author, but NOT by Dos Equis itself. Hmmm…)

[We have resisted long enough, and suddenly now decide to declare:
“Positively Wednesdays.” Which is designed to offset all the inhumane
horribleness of all that negative, demeaning, and basic total-FUN-having
(!!!) at-the-expense-of-idiots which usually takes place on Bad Joke Fridays
and to which RM/WoG contributes. This, then, is in honor of one of the
earliest Barkley finishers (with asterisk ;-), truly a legend in his own
time, who recently celebrated his birthday, and who basically started out in
life 2 days ahead of yours troubly and has been uncatchable ever since.

He’s Dr. David Horton and THIS is Positively Wednesday!]

When he goes out for a hike, he will cover twelve hundred miles in the
fastest possible solo unaided fastpacking time, and still be home for
supper.

When he needs anything like water or sustenance, the creatures of the forest
will generally bring it to him.

He once announced a speedhiking attempt to reach Mars in record time, and
the Guinness Book of World Records wrote it in as a “gimme.”

The man absolutely invented the sub-thirty-hour Hardrock Hundred finish. It
is believed, now that he’s over 60, that he fully expects a sub-twenty-four,
mostly because one of his students did it.

When his classes are announced at his university, the registration line
stretches three-point-one miles.

A lottery is held each year for neophytes wishing admittance to his “Running
Class.” Those who aren’t selected are placed on an ordered waiting list
with a five-year limit. The university does allow an extra year for those
whose turn has come.

Annually for the races he directs, he receive millions of applications from
around earth, and some have been known to arrive–postage due–from
hell as well, or via Express Mail from heaven.

His mileages are measured in light-years, and generally rounded up whenever
the intended distance does not quite match the actual distance.

At Barkley one year, Satan met him on top of Rat Jaw and tempted him with
two all-expense-paid weeks at Hedonism II, all the turducken he could eat,
and 72 virgins from his P.E. classes, but he resisted.

Instead he chose hill repeats on both Little and Big Hells, crucifixion up on
Zip Line, and five crowns of sawbriar thorns.

He is The Most Interesting Man in the World.

“I don’t always drink holy water; but when I do, I prefer Horton’s Own.
Stay thirsty, my friends.”

( 00 )
V

Here.
See (and hear) some originals:

http://dosequis.com/
(this site has been changed; it now features a very different “Most
Interesting Man in the World”)

(this site features the original advertising)

(this is essentially a compilation of most all original ads)

(this is more of the same, with a few differences)

My mark:

XX
Barkley scRitch
[aka Rich Limacher,
The TroubleDoer at sbcglobal-dot-net]

Yankee Folly of the Day:
BTW, thanks to all who wished me well and happy yesterday! Your wishes,
unfortunately, were all denied by your representatives in Congress.