Real Men/Women of Genius #95

Bud Light presents…

REAL MEN OF GENIUS

{Re-al men of geeeeeene-yuss!}

Today we salute you, Mr. Alter-Ego Inventor and Pseudonymous Poster to the Listserv.

{Wherrrrrrrrrrrrrrre do yoooooooooou come up with this stufffffffff?}

Please. “Bumpshack”? “Raw Vegetable Runner”? “Human Sacrifice”? Isn’t it enough that there’s already three thousand strangers subscribing to this whacky cybertronic chatroom in the first place, without having to disguise yourself further by signing off as the “Pit Viper”?

{Whoa! The snaaaaaaaaaaaake has alllllllllll the liiiiiiiiiiiiiines!}

“Henry Speir”? Henry Speir DIED in 1972. He was some white dude that helped black blues peeps grab long green. The names of his clients themselves should make all pseudonymous imposters such as your own clever self drool: Ishman, Son House, Blind Roosevelt, Skip, Bo, Willie, and the Mississippi Sheiks–to name just a few.

{“Buttttttttttttttttt I was ooooon-ly ma-kiiiiiiiiiiiiing a point!”}

We have also been treated to outside-the-species phony I.D.’s. We’ve seen posts by “the parrot” and “the mule” and even at one time by a “polar bear.” Now we’re being told some pitbull named “big” and his dubious sidekick named “little” supposedly write blogs.

{Annnnnnnnd don’t-for-get-all-those-“goats”–“moun-tain,” “speeeed,” “old,” “I got-chur,” and “millllllllllllllllk”!!}

We’d like to give you the credit for being so inventive and coming up with this phoniness all by yourself, but we think you have help. We’re guessing the whole secret lies in being computer-savvy enough to fool Google Mail into giving you a whole ‘nother account. Then you and your cool ilk all try to out-do one another by fooling the rest of us into wondering just who in the hell y’all are.

{We-think-you’re-a-ran-dom-ly-gen-er-a-ted-pro-gram-ming ex-am-ple of ar-ti-fi-ci-al in-tel-li-gennnnnnce!}

It’s like when we were kids and comic book artists all thought nobody could possibly tell–when the “character” and his, her, or its “alter ego” NEVER appeared in the same panel together–that just by darkening-in a tiny “mask” around the eyes, they could always fool us into never “getting” that Green Lantern was Alan Scott.

{Dooonn’t for-get Bat-man-and-Boy-Won-der, whose sex-u-al o-ri-en-ta-tions we’ve alllll-ways “won-dered” our-sellllllllves!!!}

So crack open an ice-cold Bud Light, O Author-Wannabe of “All Things Bright and Beautiful,” and chug it down before we get the next edition of our listserv’s “Digest” with you in it, if you’re lucky. Because otherwise? Your cyber savvy is so well disguised that you’ll even fool the computer! If we don’t find you among the List’s usual postings, we’ll most likely locate your genius in that other folder labeled “SPAM.”

{Misssssss-terrrrr Al-ter-E-go In-vennnnnn-tor and Pseud-on-y-mous Po-ster-to-thee-Lisssssst-serv!}

Bud Light beer: we don’t care where they brew it; we just dig their commercials.

( O_O )

Yours troubly,
The Troubadour

Book Review:
http://tinyurl.com/VirginAndVeteran.

Better Resource:
http://thefuntimesguide.com/2004/10/bud_light_real.php.

Yankee Folly of The Day:
We still think one of the best was by that guy who NEVER signed his name (which is required, BTW, by the Ultralist’s own rules) but everybody knew his pseudonym by its first four letters: “Scam.”