Real Men/Women of Genius #88

[Today’s “offering” has been offered by our friend, Louise Mason, who took the time to clip stories like what-this-is-based-on out of newspapers–like, hey, The New York Times–and then snailmail me the clippings. So, our thanks go out to her, whom I otherwise like to call “Louuuuu–WHEEEEEZE”!!
;-]

Bud Light presents…

REAL MEN OF GENIUS

{Re-al men of geeeeeene-yuss!}

Today we salute you, Mr. All-Too-Clever Marathon Cheater To Come Up With a Boston Qualifier.

{Nooooooo one will-ev-er-ques-tion just HOW yoooooooooouuuu got IN!}

eBay? You have GOT to be kidding us. You mean you are actually ready to buy from an ad that reads: “2011 Boston Marathon entry on the FRONT ROW Must See!!”

{Yooooou miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight find one chea-per on Face-book!}

That desperate, are you? You know, the other night during some doo-whacky TV interview show, George Lopez bragged to the announcer with regard to, apparently, President Obama’s sudden need for a birth certificate: “Heck, I can get him one in half-an-hour. It’s what we do!”

{“Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee can get yooou green cards, So-ci-al Se-cu-ri-ty, and fooooooooood stamps tooooo!”}

If we were you, we’d call George Lopez. We bet he knows folks who could counterfeit a Boston Marathon bib number in half that time.

{An’ howwwwwwwwwwww a-bout-a-few-fif-ty-dol-lar-bills whiiiiiiiiiiiile you’re attttttt iiiiiiiiiiiiiiit??}

But buying an eBay bib is risky. It’s how the IRS caught Al Capone–maybe–or our own Charlie Engle, for sure. You’d be a sitting duck for the all-knowing geekazoids over at the BAA. Why not do this instead: “Hire” your speedy 8-minute-miler buddy to register for Chicago, or some such, under YOUR name. He’ll run, he’ll qualify, and it’ll be *your* name that officially gets in. This has been going on since Neanderthal Man first qualified for SEC licensing to sell ponzi schemes.

{Isssssss-n’t “In Wall Street We Trust” on ALL our moneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey?}

So crack open an ice-cold Bud Light, O Slacker of Pace and Cheater of Chip Timing, because you *could* always do this: manage a big enough ponzi scheme and then legitimately just BUY your way into the Boston Marathon. Hey, they are nothing if not simpatico philanthropists themselves. Even in the ancient days, one could always contribute enough money to buy a cow for the missions in Africa, or wherever, and THAT would endear you to the hogs of Boston. There’s apparently a slush fund in the watering trough big enough to allow ANYONE with the wherewithal to enter the next Boston as a “charity” case.

{Missssss-ter All-Toooooooooooo-Clev-er-Mar-a-thon Cheeeeeea-ter To Come Up With a Boss-ton Quallllll-i-fiiii-err!}

Bud Light beer: we don’t care where they brew it; we just dig their commercials.

( O_O )

Yours troubly,
The Troubadour

Yankee Folly of the Day:
How ’bout this instead. Make Bernie Madoff run continuous Bostons all over the prison yard. And later, “for the team,” he can “relay” with ex-Illy-noise Governor Rod R. Blagojevich.