Real Men/Women of Genius #87

[Forgive me, folks, for this particular edition–which isn’t *exactly* about running, but it certainly does involve something we ALL are involved IN…whether we like it or not. Even internationally, all around the world, hey, you have governments. And you do pay taxes.]

Bud Light presents…

REAL MEN OF GENIUS

{Re-al men of geeeeeene-yuss!}

Today we salute you, Our Dearest, Oldest, and Completely Ingenious-for-Centuries Uncle Sam.

{Our Wonnnnnnnnn-derrrrr-full Unc-kle Sammmmmmmmmmmmmm!}

We know this has been discussed before, but, really. Tell us the truth–which has almost never been done before: Has ALL the revenue you just collected this past Monday been SPENT ALREADY?

{Sammy! Wherrrrrrrrrrrrrre does all the monnnnnnn-eeeeeeeeey go?}

“Internally,” of course. We know you probably didn’t collect anything Externally. Like, just for kicks, starters, or argument’s sake: World War II debts? How much did Jolly Olde England once owe us? France? So, you mean that terrific old Marshall Plan…went for free?

{Weeeee al-so re-built Ger-man-yyyyyy annnnnnnnnnnnnnnd JAH-PANNNNN!}

Iraq was supposed to self-finance through its vast oil reserves–but which Halliburton immediately harvested for itself, right? And we are now paying four-and-a-half bucks a gallon for? Really? Did you actually think THAT one up yourself, or did you have help?

{“Yooooou can’t blame mee! Thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat was Bush’s doo-innnnnng!”}

Bailouts? Wall Street? General Motors? General Electric? Those huge big-whig conglomerate executives get pay raises, bonuses, and golden parachutes, and our very own terrific endurance runner, Charlie Engle, goes to prison? And just this past Tax Day, hey, General Electric paid you no tax?

{“Theyyyyy sup-ply Hope For A-mer-i-ca! They make theeeeeeeese cool new light bulbs!”}

What are we missing here? Are we possibly missing the fact that you and our equally beloved United States Congresspeeps have not only blown the wad, but long ago and far away–the wad’s been blown for decades! You and your most excellent adventurers went to the carnival in the 1960s sometime, pawned the gold standard, sold the farm, and shot the wad throwing darts for stuffed rabbits at the “Three Tries for a Buck” booth.

{“But we won honnnnn-ney bun-nnnnnnies for Hugh Mmmmm Hef-nerrrrrrrrr!”}

So crack open about a half-a-thousand ice cold Bud Lights–Oh Master of the Universe, Granter of Pardons, and Giver of Tax Breaks to All Those USA Pseudo-Industrial Complexes with Corporate Headquarters Housed on the Third Floor of Tenement Office Buildings in Bermuda–because when the very next Congressional Recess takes place, probably next week for a year, you’ll be ready. You *will* want to “serve the people.” But in your doubtless largesse, do you suppose you might also allow us to collect all the empties? In Michigan, we think, we can still turn them in for deposit money, which we’re sure we’ll need the very next time April the Fifteenth rolls around.

{Our Deeeeeeearest And Old-dest Most Wonnnnnnnnn-derrrrr-full Unc-kle Sammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmy!}

Bud Light beer: we don’t care where they brew it; we just dig their commercials.

( O_O )

Yours troubly,
The Troubadour

Yankee Folly of the Day:
Let’s do this instead. Let’s all just let our paychecks be electronically deposited in the U.S. Treasury. Then, on Tax Day, we apply for only enough refund to buy gas and groceries to survive for another year–earmarking, of course, yet another buck for the next presidential election campaign.