Real Men/Women of Genius #84

[I just now thought of this, which should be “dedicated” (uh-huh) to, well, he *knows* who he is! ;-)]

Bud Light presents…

REAL MEN OF GENIUS

{Re-al men of geeeeeene-yuss!}

Today we salute you, Mr. Race Official and Weather Forecaster Who Casually Mentions “Some Chance of Rain” for Raceday.

{Mis-ter “commmmmme fro-lic in-our-rainnnn-drops-and-splash-innnnn-our-mud!”}

“A slight chance of thundershowers”? “What’s a few sprinkles among friends”? And “it’ll be so much fun”? Are you kidding? When we show up for your race, wearing only shorts and a plastic garbage bag, and then just ten miles into it we get, like, today’s Japan!–we *know* damn well you’re NOT a weatherman.

{“It’sssssssssss prob-bab-blyyyyy just a pas-sing cloud-burst!”}

“Thundershowers”? Try: Tsunami! Because there is now more hard falling water driving itself out of the sky and onto your swamp and into our misery than has EVER been reported on CNN before! The temperature has dropped and the monsoon is ripping the entire jungle apart and we are all just freezing to shivery death!

{“The aid sta-tions allllllll have Tup-per-ware to keeeeeep your po-ta-to chips crisp!”}

You probably have this race confused with your last family vacation to some Caribbean wading pool and water park. Sprinklers? Does your giddily gleeful family simply delight in scampering under hoses in 85 degrees in the midday lush paradise? Wellllll, get a load of this!

{“It’sssssss not tooooooooooooooo bad, izzzz-zit?”}

The entire National Guard has been called out to fill sand bags to try and keep the county from being washed out to sea. So. Now. We’re guessing the Good Lord WASN’T willing and the creek DID rise, eh? To a depth, say, of about 8 feet above flood stage?

{“Maaaaaay-beee a few sand bags will al-so save the po-taaaaa-to chips?”}

Even the Navy has been called in. Entire fleets of warships are now banging into one another atop those very creeks your race has us crossing several times per loop. Did you think we could continue having fun and playing in the mud when most of Planet Earth is underwater?

{WHOAAAAAAAAA!!!}

So crack open an ice-cold Bud Light, O Mr. Al Roker of Today’s Show of overly optimistic hype, but please wait until *after* the National Forest Service officially shuts down your race for the umpteenth time due to weather, to save your runners from drowning–or worse, being coated with leftover oil from the BP spill–and to force everyone still stuck out on the trails to evacuate because, as you have told us yourself, this race takes place in a “dry” county; so beer of any kind, whether ice cold or lukewarm, is completely illegal. But apparently homicide by raindrops is not.

{Missssss-ter Raaaace Off-fi-cial and Wea-therrrrr Fore-cas-ter Who-Cas-u-al-ly-Men-tions-Sommmmmme Chance of Rain for Race-day!}

Bud Light beer: we don’t care where they brew it; we just dig their
commercials.

( O_O )

Yours troubly,
The Troubadour

Yankee Folly of the Day:
You mean that tsunami from Japan is now actually slamming California? Even worse than Proposition 8?