Real Men/Women of Genius #62

[This special talent was first discovered to be ever so widely “spread” in–where else?–Caliphrenia, home of this weakened’s Angeles Crest 100. Good luck to all runners everywhere over the next couple “daze,” and, hey, as my old idol Frank Zappa used to sing: “Please don’t eat that yellow snow!” ;]

Bud Light presents…

REAL MEN OF GENIUS

{Re-al men of geeeeeene-yuss}

Today we salute you, Mr. Trailrunner Figurer-Outer of How To Relieve Yourself On-The-Fly.

{Mis-ter burrrrrrr-ning dee-sire-errr to haaaaaaaaaan-dle a fiii-re-hose}

No wonder most of the time most of the first finishers are men. And you’re the reason why, aren’t you? You have, perhaps single-digitally, figured out how to never actually have to “take a pause for the cause,” because you, sir, don’t actually have to stop–ever!–to take care of business.

{Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaat a-bout the toiiiiiii-let pa-per?}

You, O Terrific Mr. Whiz-zard, can whiz out your fly on the fly.

{“The worlllllllllllllllllllllllllllld is my baaaaaaaath-room!”}

All these squiggly lines of moisture we see along the trail? Here we’d been thinking that it only “rains in California” in cloudbursts a quarter-inch wide and about nine wiggly meters long. But no. It’s been you all this time, hasn’t it?

{Therrrrrrrrrrre could’ve been some thunnnnnnnnnnnnn-der-storms!}

Being able “to go” as you go? Why, a talent like that ought to make a splash around the world. You should ask for endorsement deals. Perhaps with Menard’s or the garden department at Home Depot. Have them take big pictures. Yours could be the poster hose that they put on display.

{“They commmmmmmmmmmmmme in three siiiiiii-zes!!!”}

Just think of the time savings. At approximately forty-five seconds per pee, over the course of a 100-mile course your special ability saves you approximately thirty-five minutes. Or less, depending upon your present level of dehydration or the advancing shut-down rate of your kidneys.

{Youuuuuuuuuu could beee com-ing down with rhab-do-my-ol-y-sissssss}

So crack open a lukewarm Bud Light to replenish your fluids ASAP, O Great Dampener of the Entire Forest Floor, because you are, no doubt, the coiner of that wonderful phrase: “All my forest fires have been peed on.”

{Mis-ter Traiiiiil-runn-nner Fig-gur-er-Ou-ter of How To Reeee-lieve Yourrrrr-self On-The-Fly!}

Bud Light beer: we don’t care where they brew it; we just dig their commercials.

( O_O )

Yours troubly,
The Troubadour

Yankee Folly of the Day:
There’s even a special-order weirdly-shaped plastic product that allows women to “do it” too! Butt no, I do not have a financial interest in this product.