Real Men/Women of Genius #54

[Hey, allah yous friends, fiends, friendettes, and fiendees, I have news! It turns out that “Will The Real Inspirer for RM/WoG #50 Please Come Forward?” has in fact come forward. He is none other than Bill Thom, the true cybertronic wizard behind RunRace.net, who happened to be running the Ice Age 50M way back in May and who–upon seeing me as a volunteer at Little Prairie Road–burst into spontaneous: “Today we salute you, Mister Double-Flag-Waving Crossing Guard!!!” Bill had sent me an email “fessing up” to that while I happened to be in Maryland, and, whoa, since I was on my buddy Mike Bur’s computer–and he was PRESSURING my ass to “stay on task” and help HIM load his damn truck for Massanutten aid station volunteer duties–I was unfortunately not able to read even a small portion of the emails sent to me. Just sayin’… And, BTW: Thank You, Bill Thom!!! And also BTW: Touché, Mister Bur!!! ;-]

Bud Light presents…

REAL MEN OF GENIUS

{Re-al men of geeeeeene-yuss}

Today we salute you, Mr. Just-Can’t-Wait-Any-Longer For Online Race Results To-Be-Posted-Online Dude.

{Mis-ter, “whyyyyyyyyyyyy are yooooou keeep-ing us-all innnn-the-darrrrk?”}

We know. The race started in Front Royal, Virginia, twenty-five minutes ago, Eastern Daylight Time, and you are sitting paralyzed in front of your WebTV monitor in the suburbs of Reykjavik, Western Iceland, and THEY HAVE NOT even had the courtesy to post the results yet.

{“IIIiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii doan-e-ven know-if my-new-Facebook-friend finnnn-ished!”}

We feel for ya. It’s a heartbreak. We’re now trying very hard, of course, to imagine the gall and effrontery that it actually takes to ignore you like this. And, if the truth were told, it just seems impossible.

{“I’mmmmm now sub-scriiiii-bing to high-speeed caaaaaaaaa-ble!”}

No one could be that cruel. We think of, for example, all the technological progress over the past six months. Now we have 4G and iPads and whatever the heck Bill Gates and his minions have come up with, trying to catch up with Mr. Jobs. And we agree with you: there just simply cannot be any reason why, with all the new technology just put on the market this noon, those dufuses in Virginia STILL haven’t been to Best Buy to buy it.

{“I have noooooo i-deeee-ah whyyyy I’m not gettttttt-ting up-dates!!”}

If it were possible to discover the secret math or hidden physics that would, in fact, allow us to care less about your plight? We would. And we would also like to remind you of a time–long, long ago in a galaxy far, far away–when none of us knew anything about any footrace on earth until the magazine got published and the lettercarrier put it in our (outdoor) Inboxes, sometimes as much as three whole months after the fact.

{“Mayyyyyyyyyyyy-be if I siiiiiiiiiiiiiiigned up for U-verse…”}

So crack open an ice-cold Bud Light from your fridge in the kitchen, O Alexander the Mediocre, Geek Conqueror of the Known Cyber World, because, after all, in the time it takes you to leap off your overstuffed sofa and actually waddle a full out-and-back into the kitchen, your transatlantic WebTV linkage could become obsolete.

{Mis-ter Just-Can’t-Waaait-An-ny-Lonnng-ger-fer On-line Race Reee-sults To Beee Post-ted On-line Duuuuude!}

Bud Light beer: we don’t care where they brew it; we just dig their commercials.

( O_O )

Yours troubly,
The Troubadour

Yankee Folly of the Day:
How ’bout them Lakers and Blackhawks, huh? Totally indoor sports finishing during the heat of summer? Whuhda ya wanna bet they end the soccer season in Iceland in January?