Real Men/Women of Genius #25

 

Bud Light presents…

REAL MEN OF GENIUS

{Real men of geeeeeene-yuss}

Today we honor you, Mr. Cigarette-Smoking Witless Witness To Great Big City Running Events.

{Mis-ter Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy, yo, does ya got a light?}

It’s about time you woke up off the floor of the third-floor apartment and staggered downstairs. It’s 9:30, and you’re proud of yourself. You just partied all night in the home of someone you never heard of. And now, before any of the other three dozen revelers wake up, you figure you’ll just catch the bus and light up your last smoke on the way down. So what in the world is all that noise?

{Wheeeeeeeeeeeeere did ALLA DEZE PEE-PUL COME FROM?}

You force open the street door and can’t move. Suddenly, there’s five thousand people on the sidewalk, and they’re all standing, and NONE of ’em’s got a match!

{Whuuuuuuuh izzzz hap-puh-ning out heeeeeere?}

Then you remember your Bic. You find it wedged in the waistband of your tighty whities. Ahh, smoke. Wonderful totally innocuous fumes. Fragrance, aroma, cloud 9 at 20-per-pack. You think it’s also good mosquito repellent. Unfortunately for them, there seems to be some few folks who don’t quite share that same opinion.

{“Hey, palllllllll, face New Jer-sey when ya puff that thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing!”}

So you push your way out to the curb and whooooooooooooooomp. Some chubby dufus in his frickin’ underwear practically slams into your stomach as he rumbles by–like an army tank. Maybe this is football practice, you think. Some kind of parade. Everybody’s hollering. Vast masses of skinny dweebs in tennis shoes are practically flashing people. But where you stand, Mister Marlboro Man? There’s no mosquitoes.

{“Hey, butttttttttttt-hole!! Put that filllll-thy cof-fin naiiiiiiiiiiiil OUT!!”}

So crack open an ice-cold Bud Light, O Poster Boy for Parliaments in the Crush-Proof Box, whenever you do finally make it down to the corner tap—because THAT’s where they appreciate you. Some of these dweebs here are swearing in your face, and other pushers and shovers have sharp elbows. Although, it might well be that your “recessed filter” just isn’t quite actually “recessed” enough.

{Mis-ter Cig-a-rette-Smo-king Wit-less Wit-ness To Great Big City Runnin’ E-vents!}

Bud Light beer: we don’t care where it’s made; we just dig their commercials.

( O_O )

Yours troubly,
The Troubadour

Yankee Folly of the Day:
Yeah, there’s smokers in the woods, too. So how come there’s still so many mosquitoes?