Real Men/Women of Genius #14

[This idea was suggested by Jerry Davison. Thanks, I think.]

Bud Light presents…
REAL MEN OF GENIUS

{Real men of geeeeeene-yuss}

Today we salute you, Mr. Flame-Throwing Private Warfare Waging on Open Listservs Dweeb.

{Who’s this Mr. Hu Flung Poo causing alllll these brown spots on my walllllll????)

In medieval times, you’d have a joust. In later centuries, there’d be a duel. You could then take your mortal enemy out with just one cold shot at 50 paces. But no. Today you get to hide behind a keyboard and fire all your misguided weaponry all over intergalactic cyberspace.

{Whoa! Whudda tryin’ ta dooooo to us?}

You imagine you’re doing some real damage to your nemesis, but he probably still has his computer turned off. Instead, fifty thousand innocent believers in Supreme Court obscenity rulings get to pop their eyeballs out to “[blank] [blank] [blankity] [blank] [blank] [blank], you [blanker-blanker]!”

{NOW the excrement is reeeeeeally hitting the oscillating device with the rotary blades!!}

You absolutely INSIST upon “setting the record straight.” So you dredge up that one lone offensive private email to you and plaster it publicly for all to see, be shocked and horrified by, rally to your defense because of, and sing YOUR praises over HIS for all the rest of eternity or until noon, whichever comes first.

{Weeeeee really think yooooou’re just a fruit-cake!}

So crack open an ice-cold Bud Light, O Plaintiff and Petitioner, because the only just-ice you are about to receive is sliding down your throat. In the Monkey Trial of public opinion, Mr. William Cunnings Bryan, THIS jury has already decided that the best way to spend this noontime… is at lunch.

{Mis-ter Flame-Throwing Private Warfare Waging on Open Listservs Dweeeeeeeb!}

Bud Light beer: we don’t care where it’s made, we just dig their commercials.
( O_O )
Yours troubly,
The Troubadour

Yankee Folly of the Day: Wouldn’t it be interesting [not] if Dave and Joe’s List suddenly allowed graphical representations of, say, extended middle fingers, business ends of shotgun barrels, and all manner of graffiti sprayed across subway walls? Then any aggrieved parties wouldn’t need to use their keyboards at all… and thus save the rest of us from bad spelling, atrocious grammar, and trillions of silly little emails that make no sense whatsoever.