Real Men/Women of Genius #112

[Today we give thanks–tanks?–to Stu “Stu-man-Fu” Gibeau, who suggested today’s RM/WoG topic some weeks ago, when I was either weak from eye surgery or recovering from the weak before. In any event, Stu has considerably suffered himself–due to the unfairness of illness which has plagued his niece in the UK–so this is my little effort to help cheer him up. Besides, it’s his birthday!]

Ingelhook Wineries present…

REAL WOMEN OF GENIUS

{Re-al gals of geeeeeene-yuss!}

Today we lift our goblets to you, Miss LOUD Ultra-Event Bystander Who Has Only One Cheer In Her Repertoire.

{“IIII LOOOOOOOOVE YOOOOU-and-do-you-want-a-date?”}

“You’re looking good!”? Or “It’s all downhill from here!”? Or “You’re almost there!”? Or again: “You’re looking good!”? Or “It’s all downhill from here!”? Or “You’re almost there!”? And yet again: “You’re looking good!”? Or “It’s all downhill from here!”? Or “You’re almost there!”?

{But yoooou have nooooooooooo i-de-a-where-you-e-ven ARE!}

We realize it might possibly kill you to expand your vocabulary, but–by the 85th time we’ve heard the exact same chant–we are also thinking we’re asking too much.

{Itttttttttttttttttt’s a good thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing you-don’t-have-to-spell-out what you’re shou-tiiiiiiiiing-out!}

During the out-and-back section? Please. We get to hear “You’re almost there” at mile 4 and again at mile 7; and again at mile 16 on loop 2 and once more at mile 19 on loop 2; and yet AGAIN your exact same cheer is repeated at the exact same positions during loops 3 and 4 as well.

{“I just KNOOOOOOOOOOOW the runnn-nnners all apppp-preeeeee-ci-ate meeeeeee!”}

During a 50-mile race we not only get to hear “You’re looking good” EIGHT TIMES for ourselves, but 8 times for all the peeps through twenty-five places ahead of us AND at least for ALL those equally behind. This ultimately amounts to several thousands of cheers at full voice without any need whatsoever for, say, a PA system or even a megaphone, and all without changing your tune one single teensy iota.

{“You’rrrrrrrrrrre not hav-ing trou-ble hearrrrrrrrrrr-ring me, are youuuuuuuu?”}

So pop out that cork quickly from your warm–by now–full bottle of White Zinfandel, O Fully-Clothed Dallas Cowgirl Cheerleader, and take as many swigs as your sore parched throat might require, because one of these loops you’re going to holler that same message to a really ugly guy, who then hollers back that it’s UPHILL all the way, he is NOT almost there because he’s a full loop behind, and he WILL be pulled from the race at the very next aid station.

{Missssssss LOUDDDDDDD Ul-tra-E-vent By-stan-der Whoooooo-Has-On-ly-One-Cheer-In-Herrrrrrrrr Re-per-toire!}

White Zinfandel yuppie wine: we don’t drink it ourselves; we’d rather guzzle beer.

( O_O )

Yours troubly,
The Troubadour

Check out this new outlet:
http://www.trailrunevents.com/ul/stories.asp.

Resource:
http://thefuntimesguide.com/2004/10/bud_light_real.php.

Yankee Folly of The Day:
We’re not used to cheerleaders here in Chicagoland anyway, so when we watch Dallas Cowboys plowing into them on the sidelines during Thanksgiving dinner, we give even *more* thanks–that their skimpy outfits remain unruffled, their makeup unsmeared, and they themselves are not hurt.