Real Men/Women of Genius #101

Ingelhook Wineries present…

REAL WOMEN OF GENIUS

{Re-al gals of geeeeeene-yuss!}

Today we raise our glass to you, Miss Most Knowledgeable Running Hair Arranger, Except For The Wedding.

{Missss “I reeeeeeeeally need-toooooooo-look-my-best, jussssssssst once!”}

You did say that the very best hair style for women runners is NO hair practically at all, right? You first cut it short for cross-country season during your junior year–isn’t that what you said? And you haven’t grown it back? And you’ve been a happier woman ever since? EXCEPT for your wedding?

{“I DON’T wannnnn-na starrrrrrrrrt my-whole-fu-ture INNNNN A CREW-CUT!!!”}

Puh-leeease. Suddenly you MUST let it grow out? So, what you are now advocating is–for only the *important* events in your life, like matrimony, the day of–it’s actually *more important* to fake your look than to continue appearing exactly the way your lover fell in love with in the first place.

{“Heeeeeeeeeeeeee nev-err said, but heeeee pre-fers long hair! IIIIIIIIII know it!!”}

He must obviously have appreciated all your coolly hinted “secrets” for resolving such womanly issues as hair knots, negative-split ends, marathon mania mess, and insufferable tangles–mostly by cutting practically all of it off and learning to love yourself in a buzz cut instead. And now at last your ever-loving beau has gotten used to the “look” and WHAM: for the wedding you now want to change it.

{“Yoooooooooooou-don’t-mind, dooooo yoooou, hon-eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey?”}

You are now completely contradicting every scrunchie, ponytail tie, ball cap, hat, visor, hair wrap, “driver,” bun, braid, balaclava, scarf, turban, babushka, conditioner, even head shaving-with-tattoo, and Mickey Mouse Club hair-fix souvenir you ever recommended to all your sisterly lady runners. You are now saying that all this stuff is OK for running, but not for marrying. Now you need *different* hair. You have to become some body your fiancée has never seen before and, after the wedding, will never see again.

{“Donnnnnn’t YOU waaaaaaaaaaant me-to-look-good-for OUR wedddddddddd-dingggggggg?”}

So ease that cork out gently from your rehearsal dinner bottle of White Zinfandel, O Great Pretender and Propounder of the “Only Her Hairdresser Knows For Sure” philosophy, because guess what. After the wedding you can rejoin all your old gal pals, and they can then give their advice to you…which is: cut the hair, stop the run, put on the sweats–but don’t sweat–plop down the butt, and let yourself go–just like they have. Hey, now you’re married!

{Missssssssss Most-Knowl-edge-able Runnnnnnnnn-ning-Hair-Arr-rang-er, Ex-cept-For-The-Weddddd-dinggggg!!!}

White Zinfandel yuppie wine: we don’t drink it ourselves; we’d rather guzzle beer.

( O_O )

Yours troubly,
The Troubadour

Book Review:
http://tinyurl.com/VirginAndVeteran.

Better Resource:
http://thefuntimesguide.com/2004/10/bud_light_real.php.

Yankee Folly of The Day:
What do you suppose the lady runner’s perspective on her husband is? The gym membership lapses a few months afterwards? “Night out with the boys” means having to buy more trousers and poke farther-out holes in the belt? Fishing trips result in no fish but more fishy fast-food fillets? It’s the grand old American game, isn’t it. You always and ONLY need to ever look good for your wedding day’s photographer, so he can give you something to rip out of that frame and stomp on in the next dozen years, or less.