Real Men/Women of Genius #100

[R-mog and/or R-m/wog is late today, sorry, on accounta WAY MORE IMPORTANT and IMPRESSIVE reportings of REAL achievements. Like, dig: Lisa Bliss is now the first-woman-EVER to run an entire solo/unaided Badwater-like crossing from the lowest point of elevation within these 48 contiguous United States to the highest point (Mt. Whitney)–a HOT Death Valley distance of 146 continuous miles, which, we believe, took her some 87 hours to accomplish; and all the while she rolled everything she needed inside a custom-made cart. IT, by the way, started out weighing over 200 pounds, while she–at all of 95 pounds soaking wet with both pockets full of quarters–started out at something less. A disadvantage, perhaps, when you consider that the journey is ALL UPHILL!!! Wow. But she shoved it “up there” anyway. Congratulations, Lisa! So maybe now what we’d like to do is poke fun at the “genius” behind the whole Badwater event in the first place–but we haven’t the heart to do that. It’s all good. Instead, let’s pick on some body my own size (and competence level). :-]

Bud Light presents…

REAL MEN OF GENIUS

{Re-al men of geeeeeene-yuss!}

Today we salute you, Mr. Unrelenting Corrector of All Error, Both Written and Spoken, Indoors and Out.

{Whaaaaaaaat did weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee write wrong thissssssssss time?}

You post on the listserv following somebody else’s post: “This totally wrong. You did had missed this impotant fact which your always be careful look up beforehand you post such nonsense.” My God, man, this is the New English? *This* is “how it’s supposed to be” according to “how you tell us *it* isn’t”? According to YOU?

{Haaaaaaaave you ev-er bothhh-ered to proooooooof-read your-owwwwn-words?}

We have run behind you and listened with rapt attention while you instructed your companion in the error of her way also. “No, you’re a supinator,” you say, “not a pronator. You need to buy extra support shoes, like racing flats.”

{Ohhhh myyyyy gawk! You-arrrrrrrrrrrrre-to-tal-lyyyyyyy-cluuuuuuuuue-less!}

Why not Vibram FiveFingers? If you correct the error of her way long enough, she just might try rollerblades and do laps with a jerry can of gasoline around your house. Strike up a match?

{“May-be-I-like-my-err-rorrrrrrrrrrrs! I’m beat-ing YOURRRRRRR butt, arrrrrrrn’t I?”}

You correct people’s research, you correct people’s opinions, you even correct their spelling–and we’ve heard you do THAT even by mouth out on the trail. “You opened a new account at Fifth Third Bank?” you ask. “How do you spell that?” you continue. And when your poor running companion proffers a bad guess, you POUNCE. Of course, it’s then that we realize you can’t spell this Gen-X’s too “kewl” overly hyped bank name either.

{“I thiiiiiiiiiiiiink it has an ir-ra-tion-al fraaaaaaaaaaaaaac-tion in iiiiiiiiiiiiit.”}

So crack open an ice-cold Bud Light, O Mister Mathmagic of the Encyclopaedia Britannica, and offer a cool swig to your hot companion, because when you finish the event and want to post your “race report,” we can only hope you’ll misspell the listserv’s address and spare us–Thank You, Cheeses–from having to suffer through yet another in a never-ending stream of ten thousand holier-than-thou posts which, quite frankly, we’d all feel ten thousand times better doing without.

{Mis-terrrrr Unn-ree-lenn-ting Corrr-rrrec-torrr of ALL Er-rorrr, Both Writt-ten and Spo-ken, Inn-doors and Ouuuut!}

Bud Light beer: we don’t care where they brew it; we just dig their commercials.

( O_O )

Yours troubly,
The Troubadour

Book Review:
http://tinyurl.com/VirginAndVeteran.

Better Resource:
http://thefuntimesguide.com/2004/10/bud_light_real.php.

Yankee Folly of The Day:
Never mind French. Starting Tuesday we’re all going to have to start learning Chinese.