Category: Published Musical Nonsense

  Bud Light presents… REAL MEN OF GENIUS {Real men of geeeeeene-yuss} Today we honor you, Mr. Cigarette-Smoking Witless Witness To Great Big City Running Events. {Mis-ter Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy, yo, does ya got a light?} It’s about time you woke up off the floor of the third-floor apartment and staggered downstairs. It’s 9:30, and you’re proud...

  Bud Light presents… REAL MEN OF GENIUS {Real men of geeeeeene-yuss} Today we salute you, Mr. Stuck-in-Traffic Behind-the-Policeman During-the-Marathon Angry Horn Blower. {Mis-ter “Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy is dys traaaaaaaf-fick NOT MOV-ING?”} You’re in your car. You’re on the street. It’s Sunday morning in the big bad city. You’re fifth in line before the traffic signal and...

  [My thanks to Joe Judd for suggesting this, something he witnessed–but not exactly.] Bud Light presents… REAL MEN OF GENIUS {Real men of geeeeeene-yuss} Today we salute you, Mr. Half-Naked Formerly-in-3rd-Place Legendary Ultramarathon Stoic. {Mis-ter “I uuuuuused to beeeee a con-ten-derrrrrrrrrr”!} It’s 96-degrees. The sun is grilling roadkill. You have shoes on–or off–maybe shorts....

  Bud Light presents… REAL MEN OF GENIUS {Real men of geeeeeene-yuss} Today we salute you, Mr. Indy-Class Speed Racer on the Rails-To-Trails Bike Path. {Mis-ter siiiiiiiiiiii-lent dead-lyyy ac-ci-dent-wai-ting-to-haaaap-pen!} You’re hunkered down. You’re slickly attired in your official Tour de France yellow hi-tech fabric wanna-wear with the fifteen thousand commercials covering all the yellow. If...

  [We interrupt our previously posted serious survey to bring you this regularly scheduled joke. BTW, thanks to all who have already responded to that survey. You’ve given some excellent opinions!] Ingelhook Wineries present… REAL WOMEN OF GENIUS {Real gals of geeeeeene-yuss} Today we lift our goblet to you, Mrs. Ultra-Listserv-Posting Soon-To-Be-Divorced Public Announcer. {Missus...

  Bud Light presents… REAL MEN OF GENIUS {Real men of geeeeeene-yuss} Today we salute you, Mr. Anal-Retentive Runner and Bodily-Functions-Forever-Over-the-Internet Reporter. {Mis-ter taaaaaaaaaaaaake a looooooook at my blis-ter puss!} It takes a pretty special kind of cowboy with some pretty powerful urges to always want to publicize the athlete’s post-race excess fungal webbing in...

  Ingelhook Wineries present… REAL WOMEN OF GENIUS {Real gals of geeeeeene-yuss} Today we raise our glass to you, Miss Ultra-Organized Super-Planning Leave-Nothing-To-Chance Footracer. {Miss Best Thing Ever In-vennnnn-ted Was The Brother Label-making Machiiiiiiiiiine!} There isn’t a blank space anywhere in your totally bulky 16-ring-loose-leaf weekly planner. You have your every activity itemized by the...

  Bud Light presents… REAL MEN OF GENIUS {Real men of geeeeeene-yuss} Today we salute you, Mr. Over-The-Hill-Trail-Running/Hitting-On Chick Non-Magnet. {Mis-ter ollllllllld enough to be her graaaaaaaaaaandfatherrrrrrrrrrrrrr!} What, after all, makes you think she could possibly have any interest whatsoever in your reporting of your performance at the first-ever Chicago Marathon? Back in the days...

  [Again I’m indebted to Nancy Shura for this suggestion.] Bud Light presents… REAL MEN OF GENIUS {Real men of geeeeeene-yuss} Today we salute you, Mr. Exception-Demander for Admittance to Filled-Up Footraces. {Mis-ter oh-come-on doancha want/doancha even looooove mee doood!} Yes, they gave you warnings. Yes, they told you well ahead of time to send...

  Ingelhook Wineries present… REAL WOMEN OF GENIUS {Real gals of geeeeeene-yuss} Today we raise our glass to you, Missus Cell-Phoning, Makeupping, Rearview-Mirror-Gawking Terror on the Highways. {Missus Theeeese Are The Oh Sooooo Necessss-ssssities of Life!} All right, so you left a little late this morning and you’re in a hurry and you know the...