Real Men/Women of Genius #35

Ingelhook Wineries present…

REAL WOMEN OF GENIUS

{Real gals of geeeeeene-yuss}

Today we raise our glass to you, Miss Northern Climes Happy-New-Year Athletic Event Bikini Wearer.

{Miss “do yoooou think I should keep my m-m-mit-tens on?”}

Is this Miami? Hawaii? San Diego? Not hardly. This is 12-degrees Fahrenheit and you are wearing your bathing suit.

{“Bbbbbbbutt my fah-fah-fah-frieeends will k-e-e-e-p m-m-m-m-me-me-me warm!”}

Stroke of midnight? That’s the starting gun for the local First Race of The New Year 5K. You and all your running-tights-wearing, stocking-capped, parka’d, gloved, ear-muffed, totally covered in Gore-Tex little group of incredibly-growing friends are there in the park with ALL eyes on YOU. Especially now after you’ve removed your warm-up sweats and are pretending not to freeze.

{“Weeeeee duh-duh-duh-d-d-d-dooooooooooooo this ev’ry year!”}

Maybe you belong to the Polar Bear Club? Or, that “other” one we now learn has just formed in Chicago, chIlly-noise. So, there’s not one, but TWO group swims scheduled for this very morning on North Avenue Beach. And, sure, the public is also invited for this annual gleeful half-naked frolic IN the warm and balmy waters of beautiful Lake Michigan.

{YOOOOOOOOOOU have-to-be-K-K-KID-DING YOU!}

Do you worry that maybe your tan lines are showing? Don’t. Most weekday editions of the next-day’s papers are still printed in black and white. So unless your particular butt merits front-page exposure in the Sunday Sun-Times, you probably shouldn’t worry too much if what you wore all summer for those triathlons was a one-piece tank, which today is likely to leave vast areas of white space along the most awe-inspiring parts of your body.

{“M-m-m-may-beee I’ll wuh-wuh-wuh–win a m-m-m-m-mod-el-ing c-c-c-c-c-c-con-tract?”}

So pop the cork quickly out of your thoroughly-chilled bottle of White Zinfandel, O Miss Pamela Anderson wannabe, because your own XXX-Mas present to yourself LAST year was a couple of strategically-placed “surgical enhancements,” and they certainly do seem to have some totally undeniable but *bare*ly understandable NEED to be put on public display on this, the coldest day of the year.

{Miss Northern C-C-Climes Hap-py-py-py-New-Year Ath-let-ick E-vent Bi-ki-ni Wear-er!}

White Zinfandel yuppie wine: we don’t drink it ourselves; we’d rather guzzle beer.

( O_O )

Yours troubly,

Rich Limacher
TheTroubadour@sbcglobal.net

Yankee Folly of the Day:
This isn’t all that easy to do early in the morning on a hangover…