Real Men/Women of Genius #109

Ingelhook Wineries present…

REAL WOMEN OF GENIUS

{Re-al gals of geeeeeene-yuss!}

Today we propose a toast to you, Miss iPhone-overloaded-with-Apps Big City Marathon Runner.

{“OMG!!! U2? LOL!! I-M-2222222kewl44444444wurdz!!!!!”}

You have “it” tucked right there inside your little half-sleeve pocket, don’t you? And your iPod is there in your other pocket? Well, baby, you are totally “wired for sound,” aren’t you!

{“IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-am-soooo-read-y-to-ROTFLMAO!!”}

It would be hard to imagine any emergency for which you wouldn’t be ready.
Bad song choice? You can change it. Need to know where all your girlfriends are in the race? You can call them. Each and every single one.
And put them all on “speakerphone” too. Even if–gaud forbid–you suddenly had to stop and empty a stone out of your shoe or something, you could phone ahead to warn them of your ninety-second failure to maintain pace.

{It’s-a-good-thing, maaaaaaay-be, you’rrrrrrrrrre NOT a-pace-team-leeeeeeeeeeeeead-err?}

Is that a damn phone we hear ringing off your shorts? Never mind “off the wall.” And WHO, for heaving’s sake, could be calling you every damn five minutes? Boyfriend? Mommy and Daddy-o? Crank callers? Incessant telemarketers??

{“IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII would-nnn’t DARE leeeeeeeeave home with-OUT my cellllllllllllll!”}

Please. If you have that kind of energy to waste by answering, “dialing,”
and yakking, just think how much better your finishing time *could* be if you braved the race au naturale, and actually RAN the race! And left the phone in your gym bag!

{“Buuuuuuuut I aaaaaaam hav-ving sooooooooooooo much FUN!!”}

“Hello? Yes, this is Candy. No, I gave at my cube. Yes, I know my subscription just ran out. Ralphie? Is that you?? You’re at the half-way balloons? Oh Em Gee! Why-Em-Em-Vee. I’m like having to re-tie my shoe. I heart U 2. So totally rad! U Arr my Bee-Eff-Eff! C-U!”

{“Thaaaaat’s my trannnnnnnny grrrl-friend! She is so like fiiiiiiiiiind-ing him-self?”}

So have HIM suck his cork out quickly from that post-race bottle of White Zinfandel in his gym bag, O Miss “Rolling On The Floor Laughing My Ass Off,”
because your new iPhone will also allow you to text him (her?) en route.
And with all these new apps on your cell, you can do that by voice–while you also scroll down your Inbox, reprogram your iPod, recheck your GPS, update your Facebook, zap out a fresh Tweet, do a little online banking, and I.D. the song that this sleepy rock ‘n’ roll combo is blasting at you while rounding their corner. In short, you can do everything you could possibly ever imagine this fine weekend morning–EXCEPT run a decent marathon.

{Missssssss i-Phone-o-ver-loa-ded-with-Apps Biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig Ci-ty Mar-a-thon Runnnnnnnn-nerr!}

White Zinfandel yuppie wine: we don’t drink it ourselves; we’d rather guzzle beer.

( O_O )

Yours troubly,
The Troubadour

Check out this new outlet:
http://www.trailrunevents.com/ul/stories.asp.

Resource:
http://thefuntimesguide.com/2004/10/bud_light_real.php.

Yankee Folly of The Day:
It might be possible one day to (in addition to always having your phone) run with a portable electronic sub-sub-compact collapsible car AND solar-powered generator to recharge it with while you’re running, so you can always be assured of a ride–just in case you need it.