Real Men/Women of Genius #91

Ingelhook Wineries present…

REAL WOMEN OF GENIUS

{Re-al gals of geeeeeene-yuss!}

Today we raise our glass to you, Miss Recent Graduate of Kitchen University as a Registered Dietitian with All The Best Quotes and Answers.

{Misssss to-tallllllll-ly colllllllll-lege ed-u-ca-ted cave-grrrl hun-ter-and-gath-er-err!}

You’re barely in your 20s–doubtless well schooled in the myriad mysteries of healthy cuisine–but we have gall bladders older than your grandparents. Maybe you should give us some credit for living this long despite all the pizza, buns, and wieners.

{Youuuuuu’re our Raw En-chan-tress of the Non-Pro-cesssssssssed clear Wiz!}

“Peeps that live in asparagus houses shouldn’t throw scones”? And “you’ll only have nightmares, if you eat white bread”? Or what’s this other slogan you lately spout about–“spiders are snacks; spider webs are feasts”? Puh-leeeeeeease. Better humans than us have breakfasted at Dunkin’ Donuts, avoided arachnids like the plague, and slept just fine on PB&Js.

{Whoooooooooooooooo puts peeeeeeeea-nut butt-ter on to-fu?}

And what’s this about caloric intake? Minimum daily adult requirements? Thriving on an exclusively vegan diet to clear up our skin, save gas on our stoves, and give us so much fiber that our colons become so clearly punctuated we could poop out essays?

{“IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII rec-commmmmmmmm-mend thee Mas-ter Cleanse!”}

Thanks, but no thanks. After a long, hard run in the woods or cross-training at the gym, there is nothing our ancient decrepit worn-out muscles crave so much as a heart-attack hamburger.

{“Youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu’ll reeeeeeeeeeeeeee-gret iiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!”}

So ease that cork out barely from your non-approved chilly bottle of White Zinfandel, O Nurse Ratchet of the Raw Veggie Bar and Sushi Clinic, because guzzling too quickly just kills the whine, and even one cook will spoil your stew. Better yet, drip the Zinfandel over your salad and let mom and pop bake the beans.

{Misssssssss Ree-cent Grad-u-ate of Kit-chen Un-i-ver-si-ty as THEE Reg-is-tered Di-et-tit-tian with All-The-Best-Quotes-and-Annnnn-swers!!}

White Zinfandel yuppie wine: we don’t drink it ourselves; we’d rather just (yes) guzzle beer.

( O_O )

Yours troubly,
The Troubadour

Yankee Folly of the Day:
We wonder, really, how many calories *are* in a spider, or its web, and/or an entire state forest full of creepy-crawlies you’ll never eat, and rock-hard chokeberries you’d never want to. But what a great diet for losing weight, huh?