Real Men/Women of Genius #83

Ingelhook Wineries present…

REAL WOMEN OF GENIUS

{Re-al gals of geeeeeene-yuss!}

Today we propose our toast to you, Miss Never-Having-Run-an-Ultramarathon and yet Somehow-Able-to-Give-All-Advice About It.

{Missss allll-wise and allll-knowww-ing allll-most exxx-pert on allll-most ev-er-y-thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing!}

You give new meaning to the old saying “truth from the mouths of babes.” And we all generally do appreciate your mouth, too, but maybe more for how it looks than for what comes out of it.

{“I onnn-ly ap-ply my moiiiiiiiiist-ur-rise-zing balmmms an’ gelllllls an’ lip-stick AFFFFF-TER the race I hav-en’t run yet!”}

What to wear? Shoes? Sleeves? Skirts versus shorts? You know and you tell us. How to avoid injury? You tell us that, too. How much to train? Where? When? Also how and what to eat? Drink? How to stay hydrated and safe from mountain lions, grizzly bears, and The East Side Disciples? You’ve got it all figured out and will now happily reveal your findings to the rest of the planet via all the listservs you belong to–all spontaneous, unsolicited, and without charge.

{But how doooooooo we cure plannnnn-tar fas-ci-i-tis, a-chil-les ten-don-i-tis, and food-poi-son-ing from allllll the bad Kool-Aiiiiid?}

Why, you’re practically the ultrarunning equivalent of Mother Theresa.

{What dooo you rec-ohmmm-mend are thee best trails for run-ning in Cal-cut-taaaa?}

Internet sources to back you up? Sure. You happily supply the links for all manner of “Times-Picayune” articles, “YouTube” videos, product descriptions accompanying stuff sold by internet sporting goods stores, and everything and anything you’ve ever found on that mega-marketing website dedicated to the exploits of one Dean Karnazes, the idol of millions–or at least of you.

{“Are youuuuuuuu watch-kah-ching kah-ching him on ‘Live with Reeeee-gis and Kelllll-ly’?”}

So pop that cork quickly out of your perfectly-chilled bottle of White Zinfandel, O Miss Brittan Ickkah, Encyclopedic Font of All Knowledge, because really and truly you are now single-handedly proving what we’ve all long suspected: that before you can possibly know what’s not enough, you first have to know nothing.

{Misssssssss Nev-v-v-v-ver-Hav-ing-Run-an-Ul-tra-mar-a-thonnnnnn and yet Sommme-how-A-ble-to-Give-Allllllll-Ad-vice Aaaa-bout It!}

White Zinfandel yuppie wine: we don’t drink it ourselves; we’d rather guzzle beer.

( O_O )

Yours troubly,
The Troubadour

Yankee Folly of the Day:
And to think I have medical doctors like this. I should save all my co-pay dollars and consult with Miss Encyclopedia instead. Both hers and my doctors’ advice is of equal value. They tell me to stop running; she tells me how to run stuff never experienced before.