Real Men/Women of Genius #82

Bud Light presents…

REAL MEN OF GENIUS

{Re-al men of geeeeeene-yuss}

Today we salute you, Mr. Barefoot SHOES for the Barefoot Runner Inventor.

{Mis-ter innnn-ven-tor of reeeeeeeeal-ly ma-gi-cal and oth-er immmmmm-pos-si-ble stuff!}

Truly, this is an epic event of recordable creative history that’s every bit as equal in importance to the re-invention of the wheel. Just imagine actually succeeding in marketing something of substance–of rubber and plastic and leather and who-knows-what-the-hell else–that works just like a SHOE while allowing the “barefoot” runner to actually believe he’s still running barefoot.

{“Jusssssst looooooook at my braaaaand-new gray rub-ber skinnnnnnnnn!”}

It’s genius for sure. You cover “bareness” with “some mess” and the wearer of the contraption thinks of it as nothing. Why, just imagine the possibilities of THIS concept! Strippers could be bare while still being clothed. Softball players could field bare-handedly while still wearing mitts. And embarrassed adolescents could wear swimsuits and still be naked while showering, thereby satisfying the hygienic requirements of their P.E. Departments.

{“With theeeeeeeeeeeeeeese maaaaa-gic shoes I-don’t-e-ven-have-to-wash-my-feeeeet!”}

And you have even provided bare-naked coverings for each individual bare toe. You’ve manufactured your bare-naked “feets” in sizes, too, and widths! Like as if the skin on anyone’s foot just isn’t good enough anymore and needs to be re-sized and re-fitted with all new rubber skin in order to allow that bare-naked foot to remain bare…and naked.

{You probbbb-bab-ly ship your non-shoes in bare-naaaaaaaa-ked box-es tooooo!}

The marketing brilliance here is absolutely stunning. “Selling ice cubes to Eskimos”? This is even better! This is like selling actual clothes to “The Emperor’s New Clothes” while keeping the fairy tale intact. The Emperor could now really and truly be wearing magic clothes while still believing he really and truly isn’t naked, and all the schoolchildren will still believe that he is!

{Whaaaaaaaaat does *this* doooo for Ra-pun-zel and Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-dy Go-diiiiiiiiiii-va?}

So be sure to crack open an ice-cold Bud Light, O Hands–and Feet–Christian Andersen, at the end of a long creative day in your magic cobbler’s shop, because, really, now that we can all be barefoot while still wearing shoes, the world next needs you to provide mules and pacers for runners to still race solo, and also to paint swimsuits once-a-year on bare supermodels’ bodies and pretend to convince everyone that they’re still wearing high-priced fashions.

{Missssss-ter Baaaaaaare-foot SHOOOOOOES-for-the-Baaaaaaaare-foot-Runnnnnn-ner Innnnn-ven-torrrrrrrrrrr!}

Bud Light beer: we don’t care where they brew it; we just dig their commercials.

( O_O )

Yours troubly,
The Troubadour

Yankee Folly of the Day:
What’s the problem? Every time a TV commercial shows people in bed making love–or about to–they’re all wearing swimsuits or underwear or magic sheets, right?