MIDDLE INCOME RICHARD’S
Third Millennium Almanack
===============================
An e-zine published every now and again
via the Internet, which should, in the coming
thousand years, save a few wads of paper
and spare a whole bunch of trees.
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Number 28, Cinco de Mayo, 2005
In the 5th year of the 21st century
© 2005 Rich Limacher
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OK, the following is what?
Your multiple choices are:
- Typical examples of common graffiti
- A pair of hands holding up a concrete wall
- Big water stain on the side of an expressway underpass
- An apparition of the Blessed Virgin Mary, lately making her miraculous presence known in, of all the possible blighted cities all over the world, Chicago, Illinois, USA
OK, so your answer is what?
“C” did you say?
WRONG!
It’s “D”!
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(And notice all those devoted ethnicities celebrating all this)
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This e-zine is all about:
our future.
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“I never think of the future. It comes soon enough.”
–Albert Einstein
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Editorial material, immaterial, ads, subtracts,
and everything else to:
TheTroubadour@prodigy.net
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Baud, what frauds these e-bytes be!
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Chair of Contents:
r
e
g
u
l
a
rare – wisdom – and – fluff Feliz
f e Cinco de
e v e r y t h i n g – e l s e Mayo!
a d feetures:
t b p on scrolli
u a e n
r c e o
e k k n
p s page numbers are no longer necessary
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(because everything is all on one page)
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OK, so maybe we don’t care whether our “South of the Border” neighbor returns to being a colony of Spain, but do you suppose we could persuade Mexico to take back Texas?
“Feetures” in this issue include:
- a) Who knew?
- b) Preserving ye olde smoking rites
- c) Betcha really canread this!
- d) Yankee Progress (a.k.a. “Folly”)
- e) Today’s Recommended Websites
- f) Best Guest Fiction
- g) Dept. of Newly-Minted Amusement
- h) Another Precinct Heard From
- i) R.I.P. Albert Einstein
- j) Yesterday’s Feedback
- k) Promotions Needing Some Promoting
- l) Our Popular WhetherAlmanac
- m) Circulating Little Joke Department
- n) The Vertical/Downward Slide of Civilization
- o) Thinking Outside The Box
- p) This Just In: The F.C.C. Shutdown/Walkout
- q) Fresh Coins
- r) Department of Bumper Sticklers
- s) Income Tax!
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Who knew?
“Ladies and gentlemen, I am a desperate housewife.”
— Laura Bush, on April 30, 2005,
First Lady of the United States of America and
Last Woman on Earth from whom
you’d expect to hear an admission like this
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“You have to understand that
we were living outside normal reality.”
–Erna Flegel, 93, (during a recent British press interview)
who now lives in a nursing home in northern Germany
but who once served as a personal staff nurse in the
medical corps of the Third Reich and may well be the last
living witness to a rather infamous suicide which took place
in a Berlin bunker on April 30, 1945.
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And now in honor of
our latest “German Shepherd”…
PRESERVING THOSE OLD SMOKING RITES
By C. C. Writers
How ’bout that Vatican, huh? All those locked-up cardinals hadn’t been there in so long, they forgot how to light the stove!
Apparently.
All right, maybe they merely momentarily forgot how to make the thing make white smoke. But of course we finally did get a new pope, so I suppose we should forgive those saintly men in red their non-smoking habits. Or should we?
One of the things today’s Catholics might wish for is something a puff more modern to emerge from all that stone-faced masonry of the ancient Vatican. The new Benedict XVI (now much more pleasingly nicknamed “The German Shepherd” instead of “God’s Rottweiler”) appears, however, to be the hand-picked successor most likely to preserve John Paul’s most rigid conservancy. Or, in other words, the church’s staunchest traditions aren’t likely to loosen up any time soon.
It looks, to this reporter, like just more and more of the same old “same old.”
Note that word “old.” Can you think of any older way of communicating than smoke signals?
In this modern age of cell phones, satellites, and the world wide web, what really is the need to continue announcing successive popes by sending up smoke? This is most likely some silly tradition that got started way back when sending up smoke was the only way. Or, maybe the most convenient way during The Dark Ages when cloistered monks couldn’t talk, it took too long for parchments to be inked, and, for sure, there weren’t any phones.
There’s an awful lot of current church traditions that date back to why they started in the first place simply because there wasn’t any other way to do it. Or, just because some medieval “Council of Trent,” for example, first decided that that’s the way church things should be done—like celibate clergy, Latin mass, and meatless Fridays. It was church humans (cardinals most likely) who decided all that, not any Deity or Jesus. The first Twelve Apostles were married, for heaven’s sake! And that included St. Peter, who became the first pope. (I wonder if that announcement was made by smoke.)
Wasn’t it Pope John XXIII who finally decided, after so many centuries, that church services could be spoken in native languages and that Catholics could, after all this time, eat meat on Fridays? Maybe that’s because Jesus himself probably spoke no Latin, had beef for supper, and there isn’t anywhere in the bible any passage at all that says you can’t eat meat on the day before Saturday. It’s too bad, but I’m thinking John XXIII died too soon. He may well have gone on to reform priestly celibacy too.
So, this smoke from the Sistine Chapel chimney still sticks like ancient smog on the face of what should be a more modern church.
What would be so wrong today if some insider cardinal Rottweiler-guy picked up his cell phone and text-messaged his secretary, “Habemus Papam”?
Nah, that’ll never fly. It’s Latin!
+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +
And Now For Something Tatolly Unexpected
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Betcha you CAN read this!
I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to rscheearch taem at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Such a cdonition is arppoiately cllaed Typoglycemia :)-
Amzanig hih? Yaeh amd yuo awlyas thuoght slpeling wes ipmorantt.
–submitted by Tim Huddleston, of Charlotte, NC
…another well-practiced plyer of the writing and editing trade
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“Dream big and dare to fail”
–Norman Vaughan, multi-year finisher
of the famous Alaskan 1,100-mile
Iditarod Trail Sled Dog Race and
last surviving member of the 1928
Adm. Richard Byrd South Pole Expedition,
who now fully intends on his 100th birthday
next December 19th to climb Mount Vaughan,
a peak in Antarctica that Byrd named for him
[He now even has his own website–doesn’t everyone?–at:
🙁:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(
Yankee Progress of the Day:
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Wow! They just captured Osama bin Laden’s Number 3 goon in Pakistan? After an all-out multi-agency cooperative-networked global dragnet and massive international manhunt lasting only about four short years? Why, surely in just a couple more hours they’ll be grabbing Number 1.
🙁:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(:-(
____________________________________________________
If you’re so inclined, you could possibly contact the just-captured al-Qaeda’s suspected No. 3 man, Abu Farraj al-Libbi (“the Libyan”)–ya think? wudja even wanna?–by e-mailing some form of spam or other to the following Arabic address:
____________________________________________________
الآن .. أقوى إنترنت مجاني .. و في كل محافظات مصر .. أطلب 07070101 أو ضغط على
http://s2.masrawy.com/r.cfm?i=336
مصراوى .. خدمات أقوى .. كل يوم
____________________________________________________
On second thought: Fuhgeddaboudit.
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‘‘The truth is we fought the wrong war at the wrong time against the wrong people for the wrong reason. It was unnecessary. If we had never come here with our army, nothing would have changed in the world. What our presence meant is that 1.5 million (Vietnamese) people would die in a cause that could have been settled between the north and the south at a far smaller cost.”
–Bill Steller, 73, a former TV producer for an American station
while the Vietnam War raged, during a recent Asian interview
thirty years later, reflecting on the final U.S. withdrawal
from Saigon, April the 30th, 1975
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“He who joyfully marches to music in rank and file has already earned my contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake, since for him the spinal cord would fully suffice. This disgrace to civilization should be done away with at once. Heroism at command, senseless brutality, deplorable love-of-country stance, how violently I hate all this, how despicable an ignorable war is; I would rather be torn to shreds than be a part of so base an action! It is my conviction that killing under the cloak of war is nothing but an act of murder.”
— Albert Einstein
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Imagine this: Wouldn’t you think that in Vietnam, Ho Chi Minh might be every bit the union-preserving hero to them that Abraham Lincoln was to us?
“Imagination is more important than knowledge.”
–Albert Einstein
Today’s Recommended Websites:
This one is pretty darn funny:
http://community-2.webtv.net/@HH!3B!01!109A6273ED6D/Babajani1/MurphysLaw/
We’re thinking these kinds of shenanigans don’t only happen in Ireland either, eh?
And this one might just possibly inspire you:
(There’s even a mention of Albert Einstein)
Today’s Best Guest Fiction Writer:
EPOCH END
By Dan Baglione
Outside the cabin the storm continued to rage. To Ben, it seemed that
what had been a savage winter was launching one final attack against
him. His wife lay semi-conscious on the bed. The covers which he had
placed over her formed a small hump indicative of the unborn child
within her. It was their third in four years. Neither of the others
had survived.
He had to get out soon. They had eaten a little beaver broth last
night, and he made a couple of corn meal biscuits earlier today. He
knew he was losing strength. He also knew game would be hard to find;
and he wondered if he’d be able to stay out long enough to find
something, even if the storm stopped now. He thought to himself, “Lord,
wherever you are, I hope you can see the fix my woman and me are in; an’
if you do, I hope you’ll think kindly towards us.”
He was a simple, honest man. Didn’t have much education. He quit
school in the 8th grade to help his parents try to make a go of it on a
few acres of land about 200 miles to the south. Annie, his wife, was
the neighbor’s daughter. They were people like his own folks. All the
little farms down there were gone now. They were part of a fancy, new
suburb of the city that was growing up around the refinery. Ben and
Annie left there when his father died. He knew when they first started
pokin’ holes in the ground that things were bound to change for the
worse. He didn’t want to wait around and see just how bad they would get.
It was morning now. He had fallen asleep in his chair by the fire. The
first thing he noticed was the silence. Then he realized that the wind
was no longer howling around the house. He went to the window and
pulled back the flour sacks he had covering it. Snow had drifted
halfway up it. The sky was gray and overcast, but the snow had stopped
falling. He started getting ready right away, pulling on his boots,
gloves, and coat. He looked at his wife. She was still asleep. “Just
as well,” he thought. He carefully piled some wood on the fire and
decided he was ready. He took down his rifle and took the ammo box out
of the drawer. Only one cartridge. He’d have to get real close to
whatever he found. He pushed the cartridge into the gun and left.
It was midmorning now. The sun had come out briefly; but now the sky
was getting dark again. Ben was getting tired, and knew he had to find
something soon. He was leaning against a big rock in the clearing at
the bottom of Moonrise Ridge. He had stopped for a short rest.
Suddenly, with that special sense born of years spent in these woods, he
became aware of something behind him. He took his rifle and quickly
turned. There on a ledge above him he saw a wolf nearly as lean as he
was. The wolf pulled back its ears and bared its teeth. Ben raised his
rifle, aimed quickly but carefully, and squeezed the trigger. The wolf
leaped. The gun misfired.
That spring a hunter from the valley discovered Annie’s body in the
cabin. He had just made a big kill–he had shot a wolf. Until then it
had been thought that the wolf was an extinct species. None had been
seen for several years. As it happened, none would ever be seen again.
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–written (as he says) possibly 30 years ago and just recently submitted to this e-zine by Dan Baglione <dbag@foothill.net> of Foresthill, CA, whose own website <now http://www.danbaglione.com> was among those “Recommended Websites” that this e-zine recommended last issue. Dan and this e-zine’s publisher recently had the pleasure of meeting each other in person at the only place left on Earth where, as this publisher would like to make known, the monetary currency of the Confederate States of America is still spendable. Slack-jawed and totally amazed, Rich watched Dan spend it.
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( Q Q )
v
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From the Department of Newly-Minted Amusement
by Folks We Generally Regard as Wise:
“It’s said that horses are so dumb they’ll run themselves to death. The same is true of ultra[long distance]runners. In fact, a few have already done so (or come close). It’s not admirable. It’s not respectable. Unless you do it as a creative form of suicide. Then that’s cool.”
–Geri Kilgariff
[The Heir Apparently Apprenticed Wizened Sage of Phoenix, Arizona]
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ô ô
o
[ooh, and she’s gonna kill me for calling her that!]
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Yesterday’s Quote Worth Remembering:
“I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.”
–Albert Einstein
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Another Precinct Heard From…
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A man of very little perception was invited to visit an English Earl’s digs.
One day the Earl said to his guest, “Suit up, young man, were going hunting for game!” The Earl then handed him a shotgun.
The guest asked, “What’s game?”
The Earl said, “Never mind. We’ll just flush the fields and shoot all the game that shows itself.”
As the dim-witted man moved along, he met a woman of very scanty attire lolling about the grass.
She smiled, gazed up at him invitingly, and said, “Hey, big boy, I’m game.”
So he shot her.
[Passed along by Warren Utes, who will probably deny it,
but Warren happens to be another hero of Mid Inc Rick’s
and who is every bit the equal in fame and stature to the
aforementioned Norman Vaughan (although not nearly as old :-)]
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OK, let’s party!!!
Do you see the E=MC² all lit up
high atop the world’s tallest building–
a building which is not in America,
in a country not known for its physics,
celebrating the golden anniversary of the death,
of perhaps the most famous physicist of all,
who was also not native to America,
and yet whose anniversary, which gave rise
to this celebration,
America never noticed at all?
Albert Einstein died of heart failure precisely 50 years prior to this building’s light show, on April 16, 1955
____________________________________________________________
R.I.P.
Albert Einstein
(1879-1955)
http://www.humboldt1.com/~gralsto/einstein/einstein.html
(Yes, this is his “official website.” The grand old professor had students, remember? Students have always honored their profs by building them monuments that they won’t ever see.)
/ / \ \ / / \ \ / / \ \ / / \ \ / / \ \
“If I knew the future, I’d be in a different occupation and a lot richer, but probably not much happier.”
–Charlie Thorn
(a physicist himself, doubtless still
working on some of the stuff Albert left us)
/ / \ \ / / \ \ / / \ \ / / \ \ / / \ \
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Everytime’s Repeated Media Message:
————————————————————————————-
* * * * *
It’s no secret that one of America’s most inventive
ancestors, Benjamin Franklin, got his first real “break” in
the media by not pandering to the tastes of those old
stodgy publishers of his time, but by coming up with
something completely different all on his own. He published
a simple one-page annual periodical called “Poor Richard’s
Almanack” and sold it along the streets and rivers of the
colonies for a penny apiece. And it thrived as a business
for the next twenty-five years. So now, some two-hundred
seventy-odd years later, you get “Middle Income Richard’s
Third Millennium Almanack” soon to be selling along the
buy-ways and Java-streams of the Internet for a buck a copy.
* * * * *
So far, for the past umpteen issues, this e-rag’s been free.
But before the next umpteen are published, however, this
particular freedom of yours might somehow be taken away,
and you’ll be asked to surrender as many as twelve U.S. dollars,
via credit card or otherwise, to the dictatorial parent company
called C. C. Writers at P.O. Box 963, Matteson, IL 60443 USA.
* * * * *
The particular bold new vision presently being envisioned
calls for this e-zine to go full color and add sound and music
and possibly even somebody to read it to you (!) and all be
displayed on a website that should be accessible to each and
every subscriber who coughs up a buck so’s your browsers
can be admitted. The vision fails the visor, so far, as to just
exactly how this e-zine’s electronical e-circulating circuitry
is going to accomplish that.
* * * * *
In the meantime, however, please don’t let this technological
glitch keep you from sending in your cards and letters and
good ol’ crisp Yankee one-dollar bills to the above-
mentioned post office box. Uncle Ben’s most
strangely distant cousin Richard thanks you very much.
* * * * *
Oh, and keep thinking “green” to help save our environment
by promoting paperless publishing!!!
And, hey, It’s OK. Go ahead and forward this e-zine to a friend!
gggggggggggggggggggggreengggggggggggggggggggggggg
( Q_Q )
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Help Wanted: Desperately seeking someone, anyone, who
speaks Arabic and/or Farsi or Dari. No Aston Martin
w/ejection seat required or necessary. Will train.
Turbans, deep cover, Palm Pilots with language dictionary
software provided. Apply in person. Do NOT mail anything.
Central Intelligence Agency Headquarters, Langley, Virginia.
——————————–
[This non-paid advertisement provided as an intelligence
community service. Middle Income Richard intends to
continue providing this service from now on, or until
some intelligence is detected in the community.]
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( ô-ô )
Yesterday’s Feedback:
[start] * * * * * * E-letters to the Editor * * * * * * *
- I. Richard:
Goodzine! [MIR, No. 27] Always a pleasure to read your stuff, but
can you send it slightly less wide as I have to scroll from side to side and
it makes me dizzy?
The map of “Jesusland” and the United States of Canada was slightly
inaccurate, as Canada is not united and we would never force any of our
provinces or territories to stay federated. We are different and believe in
celebrating our differences. Hence two languages and 14 different health
care systems. Only the USA believes in cultural immersion, and that policy
is failing to turn most of the free world into Americans! If those democrats
(right wing thugs anywhere else in the free world) want to join Canada, then
they are welcome; but they have to say “eh,” pay lots of tax gladly because
helping others is the right thing to do, and accept the Queen. For too long
America has used the excuse of revolution to justify land grabbing, so
hands off Canada even in jest!!!! We won’t fight American expansion but
we will shake our heads at the waste of resources.
Also Polar Bears are not native to Saskatoon, but they do have bison. No
rats, just bison. Bison are not buffalo, as buffalo only exist in Asia.
I also believe OBL [Osama bin Laden] is in New Jersey working at a
Burger King. He’s there as part of the witness protection program. He is
still 6’6″ but somewhat fatter now that he has embraced the USA diet!
You will also get stiffed over the Happy New Year ball dropping between
the twin towers, but I thought it was both witty and a nice remembrance.
Cheers,
John Remington
in Toronto, Ont., CANADA
via e-mail
PS: How come the tidal wave has not been blamed on secret underwater testing
by the US Navy?
“Trample the weak, Hurdle the dead”
Joint Co-Ordinator Toronto Ultra Race[TM] 50k and 100k May 7, 2005 (5th Annual)
[Editor’s notes: About “scrolling” from side to side: actually, John, you should not need to do this. Unless you are using a browser and/or e-mailbox program we (here in “Jesusland”) have never heard of, you should have control over the viewing width of your screen. Try hovering your mousepoint above the left or right boundaries. If it turns into a double-pointed arrow, you can click-and-hold your left mouse button and drag that boundary to widen the viewing area. Alternatively, in Windows, there should be three little boxlike buttons in the upper-right corner of your “window.” If you click on the middle button, you should be able to “maximize” the viewing area. If neither of those two methods work, consider expatriating southward into our bible-thumping country. We’ll ask Oh Lord to buy you not only a Mercedes Benz but also a Dell laptop fully loaded with Windows 2003, and maybe He’ll put you in the witness protection program besides. How about working at Wendy’s? Otherwise, your comments are excellent, and we’re left wondering if there’s still time to enter your footrace this Saturday?
PS: Are you saying that, in addition to invading sovereign nations without provocation, using “freedom”-fighting revolution to justify American expansionism, thinly disguising the theft of Canada’s proper arctic oil reserves as US “Energy Policy,” and having the gall to raise gas prices besides, the USA is now to be blamed for the tsunami? Well? Do you perhaps remember our Navy’s highly secret (and suspect) “Project ELF” decades ago in northern Wisconsin? That was for submarines! So, stay tuned. We Illinoisans have now elected OBL’s cousin Barack Osama to the US Senate. Furshur he’s going to be investigating what the hell our submarines were doing anyway in the Indian Ocean on December 26th. But that’ll have to wait, of course, until after Her Majesty’s Secret Service finally captures the other cousin. Are you ready for: From Jersey With Love?]
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- I. Richard:
The poem [“The Linguist’s Contortionists”] called to mind one by e. e. cummings that I was going to send you, only I couldn’t find my copy. It begins:
“Why must itself up every of a park anus some quote statue unquote stick…?”
That much I remember from 50+ years ago; how could you forget a line like that?
Happy N.Y.
Peter Fish
Gold Hill, OR
via e-mail
[Editor’s note: Well, Peter, you’re close regarding the first line, but spot-on perfect about the fifty-plus years. It’s fifty-five to be exact. The Midwest Branch of the Library of Congress, otherwise known as Mid Inc Rick’s upstairs office, has a copy of E. E. Cummings Complete Poems: 1913-1962. The poem you mention was apparently published in 1950 within a collection called XAIPE. It’s its Number 38 poem… and here, do you think ol’ e. e.’d mind if I retyped the whole thing?here(gawd I, hope(not))
38
why must itself up every of a park
anus stick some quote statue unquote to
prove that a hero equals any jerk
who was afraid to dare to answer “no”?
quote citizens unquote might otherwise
forget(to err is human;to forgive
divine)that if the quote state unquote says
“kill” killing is an act of christian love.
“Nothing” in 1944 AD
“can stand against the argument of mil
itary necessity”(generalissimo e)
and echo answers “there is no appeal
from reason”(freud)–you pays your money and
you doesn’t take your choice. Ain’t freedom grand
close]bracket close.
Mid Inc Rick’s personal fave of the good “generalissimo e”
begins:
anyone lived in a pretty how town
(with up so floating many bells down)
spring summer autumn winter
he sang his didn’t he danced his did.
close bracket close]
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- I. Richard:
Two items looked like urban legends. The following links are from a site that catalogues and evaluates potential urban legends. The site has lots of fun items to read.
http://www.snopes.com/crime/warnings/carjack.asp
http://www.snopes.com/politics/ballot/stateiq.asp
Nick Graner
Indiana
via e-mail
[Editor’s note: Thanks, Nick. We’ll take your word for it!]
[end] * * * * * * E-letters to the Editor * * * * * * *
*****************************************************************
“Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.”
–Albert Einstein
*****************************************************************
[start] * * * * * * Free Promos * * * * * * *
NEW Breast Cancer Stamp!
All right, we can do this!!!!!! Several folks are now involved with forwarding information via e-mail networking, so Mid Inc Rick has decided to help. You too can pass this along.
Wouldn’t It be wonderful if 2005 could be the year in which a cure for breast cancer was found? How about the notion that we Americans could raise $35 million for cancer research just by buying a book of stamps?
As you may be aware, the U.S. Postal Service recently released its new “Fund the Cure” stamp to help fund breast cancer research. The stamp was designed by Ethel Kessler of Bethesda, Maryland. The USPS itself recognizes the importance of taking a stand against this disease that affects so many of our mothers, sisters, and friends. And… isn’t this coming Sunday “Mother’s Day”?
Instead of the usual 37 cents for a stamp, this one costs 40 cents. The additional 3 cents will go toward breast cancer research. A “normal” book costs $7.40. This one is $8.00. It only takes a few minutes in line at the Post Office but it means so much. If all stamps are sold, the proceeds will amount to $35,000,000 for this vital research.
Just as important as the money is support. What a statement it would make if this stamp outsold the lottery! What a statement it would make that so many people care.
Let’s all do the following:
1. Go out and purchase some of these stamps.
2. E-mail our friends to do the same. We all know women and their families whose lives are turned upside-down by breast cancer. It takes so little to do so much in this drive. Can we not afford the additional 60 cents each new book costs?
Middle Income Richard, for example, can easily save the costs of normal paper publishing and postal mailing, and use those savings to buy more stamps… to, you know, pay other bills. And! If you and your friends would like to subscribe to this e-zine by mailing in a couple bucks as explained (somewhere) above, well… then Mid Inc Rick could use these new stamps to send you a Thank-You!
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Also, as always, be sure to check out Running Delights at:
http://www.runningdelights.com
…for all (or most) of your running/walking/sporting
personal and/or gift-giving needs. Like, for example,
something special for that special someone
you do (or would like to) “sport” with?
0 –
v
——————————–
For professional, commercial, editorial, portrait, and sports photography,
try this guy, Carter Sherline, who’s worked for a ton of sports and running
magazines.
Here’s his latest offer, as he himself describes it: “I have been playing
around with this project for over a year, and now I am finally getting around
to putting the bulk of my running images plus some from other select
editorial shoots on a series of Yahoo sites I have set up for this purpose
(a series of sites because each group has a limit on storage space). The
idea is that only a limited number of images get used for publication and I
might as well let people see the rest of my shots. While it would be great
if I were to sell lots of prints, that is not the only reason for this venue for
viewing my images. I want to let the participants in the events I have shot
see the images that didn’t get published. Images will be posted 3 or 4
months after an event so that most publications that may use them will have
done so, and I also won’t be stepping on the toes of companies that
concentrate on selling prints.
“My images are copyrighted and the files are small and low resolution; just
big enough to be viewed on your monitor but not big enough for printing.
They may only be used for personal use.
“To view these images first go to the primary site,
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/PhotorunnercartersPhotoDepot/. Then if you
don’t already have a Yahoo ID find the button that directs you to get one.
You can create a Yahoo ID giving just a pseudonym or by filling in the
profile more completely. Yahoo is a free service.”
Carter Sherline
Frog Prince Studios
Commercial, Editorial and Portrait Photography
From a Different Point of View
Office 734-662-4370
E-Mail carter@fotoview.net
Web http://www.fotoview.net/
——————————–
Here’s one last friendly professional promotion:
If it’s custom furniture you’d like in your home or
workplace, you couldn’t do better than asking ERDMAN
WOODWORKING of Silverton, Colorado, to build it exactly to
your specifications. Write to Eric at this e-mail address:
cerdman@ekiva.net
“Tell ’em you were sent by Mid Ink Rick!”
[end] * * * * * * Free Promos * * * * * * *
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
THE FOLLOWING PUBLIC SERVICE *ALL*POINTS*BULLETIN* IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY OUR POPULAR WHETHER ALMANAC
Regarding Today’s
Uncertain Climate for Marriage:
Would You Buy a (never) Used Ring from This (non) Bride?
Mid Inc’s suggested reading lesson for the poor sucker who still wants to marry her:
Dude, if she was a barn with writing on the broadside of it? Her message to you would be in letters the size of Mexico:
FUHGEDDABOUDIT.
# # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # #
“Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former.”
–Albert Einstein
# # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # #
And now for something from our small Circulating Little Joke Department:
A LITTLE HUMOR, CIRCULATING VIA THE INTERNET, RECEIVED COURTESY OF:
GTM FITNESS & CHIROPRACTIC (Good Times in the Making)
of SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA
The cut-rate pharmacist filled the prescription and handed the nearly-deaf old man his bottle of pills saying, “That’ll be $16.50.”
Just then the drug store phone rang and the pharmacist answered.
As he did, the old man placed 50 cents on the counter and walked briskly out of the store with his prescription.
A blonde clerk tending the drive-thru witnessed this and, following a time of befuddlement, the error finally dawned. She ran to the door and shouted after the old man, but he did not hear her and drove away in his car.
When the pharmacist finished with his phone call, the clerk explained what had happened.
The pharmacist scooped up the 50 cents and put it in the cash register, saying to the clerk, “Oh well, 30 cents profit is better than nothing.”
(O-O)
~
________________________________________________________________________________________________
The Vertical albeit Downward Slide
of Civilization as Evidenced Throughout Recent History by Events Taking Place on April the 30th:
_ _
–
1789 – George Washington is inaugurated as first
president of the United States
|
\/
1803 – USA purchases the Louisiana Territory from
France for 60 million francs (the equivalent
then of about $15 million smackers)
|
\/
1812 – Louisiana becomes the 18th state of the Union
|
\/
1881 – Billy the Kid escapes from the Mesilla, NM,
Jail, killing two deputies in the process
(but he later got his from Sheriff Pat Garrett
on July 14th; oh, and FYI: “the Kid” is still
buried in Fort Sumner, New Mexico–so, like,
Happy Cinco de Mayo to him, too, eh?)
|
\/
1900 – Engineer John Luther “Casey” Jones of the
Illinois Central Railroad croaks in a train wreck
near Vaughan, Mississippi
|
\/
1904 – The Louisiana Purchase Exposition opens
in St. Louis (so, like, “meet me there” where the,
uh, ice cream cone was invented and everything’s
been sliding downward–and melting fast–
ever since)
|
\/
1939 – The New York World’s Fair officially opens (and that
city’s been rotting right on down to the present day)
|
\/
1945 – Adolf Hitler commits suicide along with his bride
of 24 hours, Eva Braun; also (same day)
“Arthur Godfrey Time” makes its debut on the
CBS radio network (same difference)
|
\/
1970 – President Nixon first sends troops into Cambodia,
and the USA has been backsliding ever since
|
\/
1973 – Nixon similarly cowers by announcing the
resignations of screwballs like Haldeman, Ehrlichman,
Kleindienst, and Dean
|
\/
1975 – South Vietnam falls, the last U.S. helicopter leaves
a Saigon rooftop, and no one in America has learned
anything since
|
\/
2000 – There’s this some kinda big huge Gay Rights Rally
in George’s namesake city, District of Columbia
|
\/
2004 – Arabs holler “outrage” at graphic photos of naked
Iraqi prisoners being humiliated by U.S. military;
President Bush squawks about it; TV’s Ted Koppel
reads aloud the Iraq war death toll of 721 U.S.
servicemen and women killed there; and Michael
Jackson pleads “not guilty”
|
\/
2005 – U.S. First Lady Laura Bush becomes a stand-up
comedian.
:-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-)
[BTW, thanks for most of this history is due to the Washington Post; see:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2005/04/29/AR2005042901365.html]
OK, it’s time for another “Thinking Outside The Box”:
——————————————————————————————–
Capitalize and punctuate the following so that it makes perfect grammatical sense:
john while jim had had had had had had had had had had had been the right answer
—————–
First person to submit a correct answer will win… hmmm…. OK, for your “prize”: we’ll let you promote something, anything you choose (that’s ethical & legal), and publicize it in this very e-zine!
—————–
Last time’s winner was, once again, Rod Dalitz of Edinburgh, Scotland, ‘cuz his correct answer arrived in our inbox first, practically before it was sent!! See below what he submitted (and when):
From: “Rod Dalitz”
To: “TheTroubadour” <thetroubadour@prodigy.net>
Subject: Re: Middle Income Richard’s No. 27
Date: Friday, December 31, 2004 8:50 PM
[Note the date/timestamp below. Rod received this in his time zone at 11:14 PM, and then his reply was received back in CST almost two-and-a-half hours before that at 8:50 PM. Hmmm, isn’t that “traveling backin time”? Maybe an explanation of this ought to be next time’s “Thinking Outside The Box,” eh? :-]
On 31 Dec 2004, at 23:14, TheTroubadour wrote:
> OK, it’s time for another “Thinking Outside The Box”:
> ———————————————————————–
>
> Wow. Who’s gonna be first to explain THIS?
> Roosevelt Churchill Stalin Hitler Mussolini
>
> Born 1882 1874 1879 1889 1883
> Age (in 1944) 62 70 65 55 61
> Took Office 1933 1940 1922 1933 1922
> Years in Office 11 4 22 11 22
> Total 3888 3888 3888 3888 3888
>
> So, is this an incredible coincidence, or what? Maybe it’s just a
> slick trick of arithmetic. What could possibly be the rationale?
>
> —————–
In 1944, year born plus age equals 1944; year took office plus years in
office equals 1944. So, the total is always twice 1944 or 3888. Unless
they gave up office before 1944.
Hey, that whisky must have helped my brain 😉
regards, Rod
—————–
Hear hear, Rod! Great explanation!
However, our winner has not yet responded after being e-mailed he’d won. [This isn’t new; Rod’s won before… hopefully, he’s not now totally turned off by all this stuff!?] So like, well, we’re probably going to have to wait to learn what he’ll be claiming for his prize, ya think?
—————–
The puzzle last time was:
(See it also contained within Rod’s reply)
This amazing table was widely circulated during the year 1944:
Roosevelt Churchill Stalin Hitler Mussolini
Born 1882 1874 1879 1889 1883
Age (in 1944) 62 70 65 55 61
Took Office 1933 1940 1922 1933 1922
Years in Office 11 4 22 11 22
Total 3888 3888 3888 3888 3888
So, is this an incredible coincidence, or what? Maybe it’s just a slick trick of arithmetic. What could possibly be the rationale?
*****************************************************************
( Q_Q )
BulletinBulletinBulletinBulletinBulletinBulletinBulletinBulletinBulletin
THIS JUST IN
F.C.C. Is Shutting (accepting the resignation of)
You (this guy)
Down (& thank goodness!)
Ex-commissioner Michael Powell,
we & Mr. H. Stern
can scarcely contain our glee to see you go
BulletinBulletinBulletinBulletinBulletinBulletinBulletinBulletinBulletin
BRAND-NEW CATCH PHRASES, JUST COINED:
“These days, free speech costs two cents.”
–Mid Ink Rick
“Free speech is also dirt cheap. The real premium is put on original thought.”
–Mid’s Cousin Mick
**********************************************************************************************
_ _
Latest Sighting from the Cited Department of Bumper Sticklers:
__________________________________________
| |
| LAURA BUSH: |
| FIRST COMEDIENNE |
|_________________________________________|
# # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # #
And lest we forget what ELSE happened in April
(April 15th to be exact) we hasten now to add a “quote that may pertain”
from our Quote That May Pertain Department:
______________________________________________________________________
“The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.”
— Albert Einstein
____________________________________________________
Photo credits for this issue (top to bottom): 1) Close-up of a sidewall supporting a Kennedy Expressway overpass in Chicago, IL (AFP); 2) Enlarged view of the underpass area at that same Chicago location (AFP); 3) Lights, etc., atop the 101-story Taipei Building as shown April 16-19, 2005, to commemorate the 50th death anniversary of Albert Einstein (AFP–Su Sheng-Bin); 4) Runaway bride Jennifer Wilbanks from a “missing persons” photo posted by the family (AP); 5) FCC former commissioner Michael Powell, as modified, shown on NY radio “shock jock” Howard Stern’s website (www.HowardStern.com).
“The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.” –Albert Einstein
———————————————
# # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # #
[Middle Income Richard’s will return
at some as yet unimaginable, non-specific, and
relatively unknown opportunity in the future]
==================================
______________________________________________
So. Does THIS one work???
( -_- )
On Jun 1, 2017, at 1:06 PM, Jessica Nunemaker <jessica_nunemaker@yahoo.com> wrote:
_ _
v <=={Blue duckbill and all. :-}
http://www.zombierunner.com/MiddleIncomeRichard/
Specifically, editions 13-thru-30 are missing! Yes, yes they are. I just assumed you didn’t upload them.
No. Somehow my “fiends” the ZOMBIES (F**KERS!!!) deleted them… like, for all eternity?!!
[But I think I have copies.]
BTW, it took me A LONNNNNNNGGGGGGG time to find that link. (But of course, you probably already have it.) But it’s also NOT on the Zombie website. Like I say, they’ve pretty much wiped my “stuff” OUT.) Ha. Yes. I copied over the stuff on there a couple weeks ago now into a Google doc.
Thank you again!
But see if the above full (.eml) file can now be copy-pasted into (onto?) the website. ‘K?
And, wow. I wondered what the story was. You had mentioned something about needing to get your stuff off of there a year ago now but didn’t go into WHY.
I’m currently sorta/kinda on the “outs” with RUNRACE.NET, too. So. Thanks again for already having gotten ALL MY SHIT off of there, too!!!
[Ain’t no telling when that asswipe webmaster will delete all my stuff off his site also.]
(We concentrate now on answering your questions 🙂
On May 30, 2017, at 9:48 PM, Jessica Nunemaker <jessica_nunemaker@yahoo.com> wrote:
Hey,
So, real quick.
Ain’t NOTHIN’ “quick” around here, huh? …says the guy who runs marathons all the time!
Wait.
S-L-O-W-L-Y… if at all.
My Niece, I am today but a flimsy mere shadow of my formerly awesome self.
🙂
[When you were still brawling with your sister for bassinet space… THAT’S when you shoulda seen me run!!!!]
( 00 )
U
(No duckbill. But you now probbly think THAT looks like a, what, bathtub?)
How did that No. 30 look, which I just today sent via “forwarding”?
If THAT works, then I have the remaining ones in that format as well. (I think) :-\
Nope. It still strips out all the color and some of the style (like center align).
IF this one today will work, I’ll go back and re-send No. 30 in this same formatting. ‘K?
Meant to head to bed 45 minutes ago but had to get kids “summer school” stuff ordered. The learning does not stop in the summer in this house!
Good! This is how it SHOULD be… in everybody’s house!!!! Their stuff arrived today. We will begin TOMORROW (if not tonight) although they have both already started reading one of Jack’s books.
This is the book that Jack read.
This is the mommy that first read to Jack the book that Jack read.
(As you can tell, I just this second got “inspired”—this is how it works!)
This is the brother, Joey, of Jack whose mommy first read to Jack the book that Jack read.
These are the summer school supplies that were shipped to the family of Joey whose brother is Jack whose mommy first read to Jack the book that Jack read.
This is the house in bad need of chores-doing to where those summer school supplies were shipped to the family of Joey whose brother is Jack whose mommy first read to Jack the book that Jack read.
This is the head of the house, Jmiah, in bad need of chores-doing 🙂 which is where those summer school supplies were shipped to the family of Joey whose brother is Jack whose mommy first read to Jack the book that Jack read.
This is the EVIL-ASS NEIGHBORHOOD WITCH-CHICK that is menacing the head of the house, Jmiah, in bad need of chores-doing which is where those summer school supplies were shipped to the family of Joey whose brother is Jack whose mommy first read to Jack the book that Jack read.
This is the “uncle” to the mommy who’s witnessing in horror the EVIL-ASS NEIGHBORHOOD WITCH-CHICK that is menacing the head of the house, Jmiah, in bad need of chores-doing which is where those summer school supplies were shipped to the family of Joey whose brother is Jack whose mommy first read to Jack the book that Jack read.
And finally: this is the uncle’s goddamned fully-loaded 50-caliber machine-gun that can puncture armor and all manner of steel plating—not to mention evil-ass bratty little witch-chicks as well as any and all psychodrama non-supervising parents—and which, in a few hours, will be used by the uncle to blow this evil-ass witch-chick and all her ignorant stupid family members to motherfucking kingdom goddamn come.
( O_O )
Thanks! Yur kewl. I know.
And humble!!!!
🙂
Went with the neighbor (Elyssa) and all our kids (they have three–this is the mom of Joey and Jack’s BFF’s) to pool yesterday. She went back today again and took both of mine. I have stuff to get done so I will go tomorrow if she does.
How ‘bout a photo, eh? Of you and the kids at the pool (even this Elyssa and/or ESPECIALLY that psycho-witch-child). You send me such a pic, and I guarantee I won’t be sending any from here.
( -_- )
One of Witchy-Chick would help me with my own understanding, however. So. F.Y.I., eh?
This may sound really dumb, but–it really shocked me to learn a little about this guy walking around there yesterday. He is a member of that Aryan Brotherhood AND had “white pride” tattoos–just like his brother. He got most of them in prison. His father was in prison for rape so all around just a GREAT family. He was walking around with his baby. 😐
O MYE FOCHINGK GAWD!!!!!!!!!!!
Get those police on the horn, hon. And COMPLAIN!!!!!!!! Hell, that wicked little witch-kid complained to them (didn’t she?) about your family. Well? Throw your weight around, hunnychile (such as it is, or isn’t), AND MAKE THOSE COP-asses LISTEN TO YOU for a change!!!!!!
Jeez. Here we are getting investigated and that asshole is OUT THERE. Guess he’s dealt drugs, been involved in home invasions, and just all-around nasty.
Pick up the telephone and…
I have been to many small communities, but I have never seen that before. I can’t believe he was allowed to just let that hang out when there are all kinds of races at the pool. But I guess, who wants to tell him to put a shirt on?
O GAG. BARF ME OUT. GAG ME WITH A LARD PADDLE.
I’ll bet this “star” performer is a REAL looker, too, huh?
Well, I would. But I don’t work there.
MAKE THE POLICE MAKE THAT M-F**KER PUT HIS SHIRT ON!!!!!!
I’d be willing to bet you also that he’s a “registered sex offender,” also, and cannot by law get within 50 feet of children. Eh? Ya think?
REPORT HIM!!!!!!
I should have been born a Big Tall Man. But then again, I would probably get into trouble all the time!
Well, I’m one of those (or certainly like to pretend to be) but the only trouble I seem to KEEP getting into is…
[CLASSIFIED. FOR YOUR EYES ONLY.]
…um… “hetero”???
I’ll bet if I was gay, I wouldn’t be having all these constant “temptational”-type problems with grown-up “Chloes” with mental disease.
🙁
Anyway. Think about what you want to do about those Middle Income posts.
Yes. See above. And then lemme know…
Is there anything that can go live? Like, your first posts from “heroes” and “what ever happened?” If so, we can start actually SEEING what the site will look like (because categories will then be available too).
Wait…
Remember, no one else can see that stuff yet. Even when a new site goes live, there should be between five-ten posts already “live” on it anyway.
Do YOU mean (by “going live”) THAT I COULD ACTUALLY SEE THE THING—its full design and how all of its stuff is classified and ordered and arranged and so on and so forth????? BUT WITHOUT THE DAMN PUBLIC BEING ABLE TO SEE ANY OF IT??????
Hey, if the answer to that is “yes,” then by all means!!! Have at it!!!! Post it up so that we both can see it but nobody else can! ‘K???
Okay, back to work.
Wait!!!!!
Y-day I sent you the first 3 “The Most Interesting” (whatever) peeps. Yes? You gottem???
All righty then. Here, as follows, are PHOTOS (yes, we can use ‘em) of the actual people. These pics are clearly labeled, and so… you can now make a photo space within each “The Most Interesting” slot so that I/we can later insert pics, yes?
Let me know if this can be done, ‘K???
And hava gah-roovy evening!
Your,
Unc, out (of his mind) the door…
Pix follow:
TMIMITW No. 1 = Andrew Thompson:
TMIMITW No. 2 = Dr. David Horton:
TMIMITW No. 3 = Dr. Carl Touchstone:
[End]
Rich Limacher © 2021 | All Rights Reserved
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