Real Men/Women of Genius #56

Bud Light presents…

REAL MEN OF GENIUS

{Re-al men of geeeeeene-yuss}

Today we salute you, Mr. Bluetooth Earset Wearer and Talker While Working-out Runner.

{Mis-ter ennn-ter-taaaiiii-ner of the whole darn raaaaace!}

Pardon us for interrupting your most important conversation, but do you think you could possibly stop yakking just a second to listen, to be aware of your surroundings, and let us pass?

{“I’mmmmmm try-ying to get the baaaaase-ball scorrrrrrrrrrrrres!”}

“I am now passing the two-mile marker, sweetheart!” Please. Has your “sweetheart” been hired by CNN? Is she giving live feed to the cable network via satellite? Is she uploading all your voice transmissions as live eyewitness on-the-spot road and/or trail running reporting?

{“This iiiiis John Cam-er-on Cam-er-on dowwwn-towwwwwwn!”}

What could possibly be so important to yak about, so as to stack up three hundred runners behind you, poking along that super-skinny single-track trail throughout the biggest woods in Virginia, who cannot possibly get by you–because YOU CAN’T HEAR THEM!!

{Mayyyyy-be some-one should jus’ tack-le your ass liiiiiike in foot-balllll?}

“I think I left my billfold in the nightstand drawer underneath Gideon’s Bible. Yes! For safety. Did you check-out yet?” Pause. “Yes, I am VERY concerned that Junior is having to pee his pants!” Pause. “Do you think you could talk the maid into letting you back in?” Such snippets of wisdom.
Such conversational brilliance. And we also appreciate your talent for adjusting the tone of your voice so as to better enhance your color commentary on the impending catastrophe.

{“Was he reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeal-ly out at home plate?”}

We’re not sure, but you could also be that fitness guru we trip over in the health club–while you’re not so much doing sit-ups as yakking to your ladylove on your earphone. And when you hop up on that treadmill? Nobody watches the TVs anymore, because they’re all straining to pick up on those pearls of wisdom being broadcast by your mouth!

{“SWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-TEE, can you hear me NOWWWWW?”}

So crack open an ice-cold Bud Light afterwards, O 21st-Century Descendant of Alexander Graham Bell, because while you have been so entertaining to those health-clubbers around you, you are currently pissing off everyone–and everything–who are now trying to run in the George Washington National Forest.

{Mis-ter Blue-toooooth Eeeeeear-set Wear-rer and Talk-ker While Wor-king-out Run-nerrrrrrrrrrrr!}

Bud Light beer: we don’t care where they brew it; we just dig their commercials.

( O_O )

Yours troubly,
The Troubadour

Yankee Folly of the Day:
http://www.contemporaryinsanity.org/audio-video/bud-light-real-men-of-genius.html.
And by the way? A tip of the old tri-cornered hat goes out to whatever geniuses in American history decided that July 4, 1776, was “Independence Day.” That actually was nothing. That’s when the war with England officially BEGAN. Real independence only came AFTER the war was won (duh!), specifically when Good Ol’ Ben Franklin & Co. signed the Treaty of Paris with King George’s peeps on September the Third, 1783. Google it to reassure yourselves, and have a nice holiday weekend!